she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
