I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
