a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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