Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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