U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
