if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
