I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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