i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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