so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
