think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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