What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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