I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
