She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
