idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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