You're earring is so big in my mouth
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
