I must be too annoying 4 u.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
