Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
