I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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