Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
