Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
