I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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