We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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