Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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