ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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