A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
