I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
