A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
