Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
