Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
