dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
