I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
