Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
