I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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