I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
