I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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