Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
