i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
