guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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