I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
