do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
