I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize