I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
