He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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