Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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