I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
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What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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