the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
