I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
