now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
