You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
