I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's never too late to be topless.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
FUCK WHALES
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