Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
