what day is it and did you see me today?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
