I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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