girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
