just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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