i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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