i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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