What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
