I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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