As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
