they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
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Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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