Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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