that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
