So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
