hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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