also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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