hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
