I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
