dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
