I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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