Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
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i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
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I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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