last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
