I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
