I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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