Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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