In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
