shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
