im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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