just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
