so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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