He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I can't put those talents on a resume
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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