so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
