He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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