hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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