i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
