She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize